Pregnancy

I had posted a little while ago about how I, in 5 years of trying, have not been able to picture myself pregnant. It was really crazy...wanting to be pregnant, trying for years, but not "seeing" myself pregnant. I've had dreams in the past that I was pregnant, but every dream was about losing the baby or babies. I never actually saw my pregnant body, just my lost babies. It was heart breaking everytime. Saturday night, I went to bed like any other night, maybe around 10PM. I've felt such strong nausea this entire 2WW and have felt very confident about this cycle. So Sunday morning when I woke up, I recalled a dream that I had. It was me, in the summer time working at the farmers market. Only in this dream, I was pregnant! I saw me, moving my photography equipment around while I was setting up for the market. The farmers were picking on me about carrying all that weight and being the size of a watermelon. But I actually saw it this time! I was pregnant! Maybe it is the positive thinking which I haven't had at all this entire time having had my tubes blocked. Maybe it was just the fact that my left tube is open finally. Maybe, I am pregnant! I've been testing out the trigger and I have watched the shot fade away from my system. There have been faint lines, but nothing that sticks around on the test. I'm not sure what it means but hoping its good. I haven't tested the last 2 days because I took my daughter to PA for a Flyleaf/Drowning Pool concert. We had so much fun and between that and the travelling...no time to think about testing. I did stop at the REs this morning for blood draw and should be hearing back any time with the test results. Today is 15 DPT and 13 DPO so if there is something in there, it isn't the trigger anymore! Praying for good results!!! And soon! I'm getting anxious!

Ovulation!

OVULATION!!!! CD 14 We've BD'd last 3 days and are supposed to tonight also but I think I'm done. I'm so sore!...my body, that is! My back is killing me from cramps, left side. I have cramps in my belly, both sides which is leading me to believe that I released from the right side also. My boobs are freakin swollen and my nipples are so sore! So here's to the 2WW! I'll start testing out the trigger on Saturday! :) On top of all this O stuff, I've gone to the Dr this afternoon only to find out that I need to have a breast ultrasound and mammogram done. Months ago, I dislocated my ribs from my sternum. I think that where it happened, healed back incorrectly. I have a lump in the right side of my sternum. Doctor is concerned about the "breast mass" as she called it, though it is on the sternum area and not the breast tissue. I called Radiology to check in about if I am able to have the procedures done with the chance that I might be pregnant and they say "Absolutely Not!" So, on Monday, I go in to have the breast ultrasound, but no mammogram, to find out if this mass is anything to worry about. Kinda glad that I won't be having it since my breasts are already SO sore! Also...I knew my belly was starting to swell, but oh boy! Here is my comparison from when I did IVF and now! I'm a petite framed person so this is out of the norm for me. I look pregnant today. I had to switch into sweats because I couldn't sit down and keep my jeans buttoned! Hoping this belly isn't for nothing and that in two weeks, it'll be because there is a baby (babies) cooking along in there!

Did my Trigger!

Oh boy, that was fun! Not even! Loaded my syringe and let my hip sit on ice for at least 10 minutes. It burned like fire! My husband is such a good sport though! He gave me my shot, right hip (which is now killing me like your arm is after you get a flu shot!), just like a pro! He said he had to kinda force it in but I didn't feel anything. When he started putting in the meds, thats when I felt the sting. It was over in about 20 seconds. So, it's game time! RE wants us to..."have normal relations"...for the next three days. He was able to get out of going to the field tomorrow night and wednesday night, thank GOD! Unfortunately, he is having to go in at 4am and more than likely, won't be home until well after we usually go to bed. Looks like that's where I will leave him in the morning and where I will meet him when he gets home! For now...it's bedtime! ;)

TRIGGER TIME ! ! ! !

Today is CD 13. Went in for appt with RE for follie check and E2 levels. E2 is at 1388 and lining is at 13! Only one fully ready follie but he wants me triggering tonight! The lead follicle is at a 20 and is on the left! I have 2 more on that side that are close and may or may not be ready by O. They are both 14. Then on the right I have 3 that are at 14 and 2 that are at 13. He wants to trigger now and not let the others on the left get bigger because I have so many on the right that I could end up with high order multiples if the left were to pick up from the right. That would make for 8 follicles!!! There is still a chance that they could rupture and that they could be ripe, but the chances are lower. So, more than likely we are only working with one egg but all the conditions of it are perfect!!! Will be triggering tonight at 8pm! Now...praying that DH doesn't have to leave for work for the next 2 nights like he told me he was going to have to!!!

Second Follie Check!

E2 levels are up!!! Yippee! From 54 to 300! I have multiple follies in both ovaries but my lead one is in the left, open side! It is currently measuring 15mm! 16 and up is considered baby making egg! My uterine lining finally has also gotten over the level 7 that they are looking for and I am now at an 8! My next injection protocol is to continue the 150units for another 3 days (Friday-Sunday) and then Monday morning at 730 I drive to Syracuse with my first actual ultrasound check with the RE. (The last 2 have been up close to me at the hospital). Hoping to have a couple more mature follies by then and to trigger by the end of next week! So for now, we are spending the weekend in Burlington Vermont in the middle of the crazy winter blizzard, NEMO. The drive up here was insane but we're doing good now that we have made it to the hotel. Ice fishing tomorrow...maybe?!

Finished 2nd Protocol

Tonight I gave myself the 3rd and final injection of 2 vials. Tomorrow morning is my 2nd follicle study and 3rd E2 (estradiol) reading. I have a good feeling that this will be a good report! I can feel the swelling in my ovaries, mostly the right side but the left is starting as well. I am hoping that means that things have progressed much further than where we were the other day. I doubt that I will be ready for trigger, but we'll see tomorrow afternoon. Now, just hoping that the big storm we have coming in will hold off for a while so that I don't have to drive to the doctor in it! Since there is a very good chance that I will be needing another protocol starting tomorrow, I had the RE call in another perscription for me. Since I only had 10 vials to begin, 4 used in 1st protocol and 6 in these last 3 days, I am out after tonights injection. RE faxed the Rx off, but the mail order pharmacy couldn't guarantee it to me until Tuesday at the earliest. That just wasn't acceptable since I need the next dose on Friday! I contacted some local pharmacies but none would be able to get me the meds by Friday before I leave for Vermont. I then contacted Kinney Drugs in Burlington VT and explained the situation to the pharmacist. Without even seeing my Rx, she jumped on the computer, ordered my meds, then put my information into the computer so that when the meds came in, the order would be filled. I will be picking them up from there when we get in to town tomorrow afternoon! I am so very greatful to this pharmacist and Kinney for doing this for me. I wasn't a customer. I am not a local to their store. And they had no Rx to show that I was even getting that med but they went ahead and helped me anyway. I am very touched at her kindness and the great customer service I received! After going thru all this, I am even more greatful that I'll be able to continue with treatments tomorrow so that we have the chance to make our dreams of a baby a reality. With my husband leaving for training soon, and then deploying later this year, we don't have a moment to lose! Fingers crossed for great news tomorrow! Hoping to get photos of the ovaries and my happy follies!!!

First Follie Study

Cycle Day 7 today and we had the first follie check this morning. My uterus is still very rear facing. Hurt when she had to lift it to get to the back side of it for measurements. From my not professional guesses and from looking at it upside down, it looks like the right has more follies than the left and I think my lead follicle is in the right ovary. Not good for only having the left side open. I heard back from the doctor and my estradiol only went up to 54 (from baseline 33)so he is upping my dose to 150units (2vials) for the next 3 days and then I go for a repeat ultrasound and blood draw on Friday morning 0730. I'm glad that they are letting me do the appointment up here again so that I don't have to make the long drive to Syracuse, especially since I am leaving for Vermont on Friday afternoon. She didn't give me the info on exact sizes, just said that they were still to small for anything to matter quite yet. Will know more Friday afternoon.

All By Myself!

Had to do the injection by myself tonight! Wasn't bad at all. This is only the 2nd time I have done my own shot and this time, I didn't even hurt myself! Last time I just pinch and then closed my eyes and poked it in. It bruised and bled. This time, I looked! LOL Tiny little poke and thats it. I might have to do them from now on. It hurt less tonight then last night when my husband did it. I've had a bad headache since last night right after the shot. Felt really disconnected all day and dizzy. Wonder if it was the meds? Anyway...easy. :) Two more injections before my first follie check!

One down...

I went in to the lab for my E2 levels this morning, CD3. Levels came back at 33! :) So here's the protocol...one vial, 75units, per night for four nights, starting tonight. Tuesday morning I go back in for my second E2 level and my first follicle study. Not seeing my RE this time because they are allowing me to do the appointment at my local hospital instead of driving 2 hours to the RE's office, which is great considering the weather we've had lately! After Tuesday's appointment, we will know the next part of the protocol. Only thing I am not liking about all this is that I have no idea when things are happening until the last minute. I hate not being able to plan! Anyway... Just did my first injection. I want to vomit! I can't believe how nervous I was. Its been over 4 years since I had to do injections like this so I was a little scared about how it would go. Prepped the meds, iced my belly and then DH stuck me. Burns like fire going in....just like I remembered. I don't remember the dizzy feeling that I am having right now though. Really light headed. Other than that and the nausea, I'm good to go! :)

I Can't Imagine Myself Pregnant

I just realized thats how I feel. I was reading something online while researching more about this med that I am starting and all these ladies talking about being pregnant...and I realized I can't at all imagine being pregnant. I remember most about my previous pregnancies just fine but I can't see me pregnant...my older, married, financially secure and happy self....with my grown children...I can't imagine that. Maybe because it has been so long, maybe because I'm hormonal....I don't know. Just something that without warning came to me and now I am questioning why my brain is thinking about that. I'm getting excited and nervous about getting started on these meds. I'm trying to stay positive but its so hard after waiting for what seems like forever...4 years 7 months! But finally, CD 1 came yesterday and after talking to the RE, I am heading into town for the first E2 blood draw. This one will determine the dose of Menopur that I will be taking. Thank goodness that my husband is able to take some time off in the morning to take me because the snow storm today was terrible and I hate driving in it! By tomorrow afternoon I will have my E2 (estradiol)levels and dosing info. Picking up some smaller gauged needles tomorrow and then on to injections later that evening. Ready to get this show on the road! Maybe with some good ripe follies, I'll start believing that I can be pregnant and this feeling I was having was nothing but a little worry.

Another O Date

Charting can be so frustrating! My chart has adjusted yet again! I've gone from being many days late, to 5DPO, and then when it was almost testing time, I'm back at the beginning again. So as of this morning, its saying I'm 7DPO. I still believe I'm further into the 2WW than that but I'm not sure. The one thing I am very confident about though, is that I have had a steady increase in temps for the last 12 or 13 days. Thats gotta be good for something, you'd think! I wanted to test SO badly this morning but I didn't. I was going to be heading to get blood work this morning, but we were expecting so much snow last night that I cancelled my back-up at work. Will be testing with FMU on Friday (if I can hold out!) and then my bloodwork appointment will be Friday morning. I'll know by that afternoon! :) Here's what the chart looks like today.

Ovulation?...Finally!

Frustration had set in. I was charting at cd 37...twenty-four freakin days past when I thought ovulation happen. I went out last night and bought a couple of pregnancy tests so that I could wake up this morning and take a test. I had also gone and called my doctor and asked for a blood pregnancy test later in the week. Woke up this morning, temped like normal. 97.73! OMG! That is the highest temp I have had this cycle! First thing that came to mind was that I missed a period some how and this is my next month's ovulation. Then I thought, maybe I just ovulated really, really late this cycle (CD38!). When I put in my temp information in Fertility Friend...crosshairs finally appeared. Only thing that shocked me, was that it wasn't saying that I ovulated on cd37 like I thought, but on cd 33! That puts me at 5DPO. Now to that spike! Implantation maybe!? I sure hope so. Besides that...I have been yucky sick all day today. My nose wont stop running, clear not colored so not a cold. I also have a sore throat. The last 4 days, I have had some light cramping but today's cramping has periods of much stronger cramping. My nipples have also been very sensitive the last 4 days. So, here again we are in the 2WW, though I think it finally is the real 2WW. Feels more like a 5WW! My plan is to test next Wednesday, which should put me at 12DPO. I'm also keeping my appointment for the blood test since that will register way before a pee on test. Not sure yet when that will be though because the doctors office will be calling me to schedule it. Hoping for Monday or Tuesday. So, the big wait is on! Wish me luck!

2 Years

I can't believe it has been two years since I had my surgery. Our journey has been full of so many ups and downs. It seems like yesterday that we were on a plane flying to North Carolina but it also feels like its taken us so long to get to this point...empty handed. Last night was no fun. Lots of tears. I don't think that I would be taking it so hard if it wasn't that I a week late and still testing BFN. Tested again this morning and got an indent. My tests from last week were evaps. I wish I was pregnant but I'm also realisitc, and know that I'm probably not. I'm having a hard time too with all the pregnancies that have been announced lately. Multiple wives of people that my husband works with are pregnant, a nurse friend that was working with our doctor when we first started trying, also pregnant, as is the mother of one of my daycare kids. Then a friend from back home just announced that her baby is actually three! I just don't get what is happening with my body right now! If nothing shows by Monday, I am probably going to call and schedule a blood test and then ask about starting Provera to start my next cycle. At least that way I'll be able to get going with my injections before my husband leaves for training! So, back to taking it one day at a time. Wish I knew what lay ahead for tomorrow!

Emotional Night! 1-11-13

I'm having a rough night. Tomorrow is my 2 year anniversary of my surgery. I'm 20DPO. 6 days late. Tested BFN on Tuesday. Zero AF symptoms. For the last few days, I have had a constant very dull pressure behind my pelvic bone, right around my zipper. Thats the only thing I feel. Been sick for a couple weeks now, can't sleep at night, really moody (teary) and killer headaches all week. 24 freakin months! 17 cycles which would have been less if it wasn't for 8 months of Clomid. I don't know what the hell is happening to me and I'm just a wreck! I'm sick of being broken!

13DPO testing

Went to the store to pick up some tests last night in the middle of a blizzard. Upstate NY was getting pounded with the nasty white stuff! We got about 2 inches the first hour! About 5 inches last night to add to our 2 feet that is already on the ground. Came home with four tests. Hope by the last one, I've got a bright BFP!!! Got up this morning with my temp jumping up again, over 97 which it hasn't been much this LP. My chart has been screwy ALL cycle.

Tested with FMU. Walked out of the room so I didn't sit "watching my pot boil". Went back in about 3 minutes later and there was a faint line, but the test still had traces of pink thru out it, so I waited a little longer. Went back in a bit later and I swear there was a line! Honestly I think it is an evap line, but not sure. Posted it on 3 boards and the concensus is that its a BFP but I still don't want to believe it because I want it to pop up instantly...LOL Cuz thats going to happen this early. Well, I'll be testing in the morning again. Praying its so much darker!!!

What do ya think???