There really is HOPE!

Been taking the birth control now for 8 days. Been doing massage and castor oil. I have also been drinking the red clover and red raspberry teas. I have not been sleeping well lately, probably stress, but none-the-less....lack of sleep is no fun.

Got great news today from a friend of mine. When "E" had her tubes untied last year, she learned that the damage was so bad from the TL that she had only one tube put back together. At 8 weeks post TR, she was told that pregnancy would probably not happen for her without IVF. Three RE's had told her IVF was her next step. Well, today she got her BFP at 11 DPO. SO much hope is given from this one little test. If it can happen for her with one blocked tube....I can definately unblock these tubes!!

She was taking an enzyme called Serrapeptase. I asked her all about it and got right online to order some. It should be here pretty quick so I will share more about it when it gets here and I start it.

So excited!!! This is gonna work!!! I know it!!!

Reading.......

I can't believe I did it! I got a psychic reading to determine if and when I might have a pregnancy. Crazy, I know, but I needed a little more to jump start my efforts. I've known tons of people that have had readings, but I have always been to scared to hear what they had to say. From about a month or so after my TR surgery, I have had a feeling deep in my gut that I wouldn't have another baby, then sure as shoot...both tubes are blocked. Well, with all the efforts I've been putting into this, and that I'm about to hit one year since surgery, I decided to jump on it and see what she had to say.

So...here is what she came up with.
"When I spoke with your child to come I was told hes a precious boy. That you will FIND OUT WITH A POSITIVE TEST JULY OF 2012 OR CONCEIVE JULY OF 2012 OR GIVE BIRTH JULY OF 2013.

When I spoke with your next child to come I was told shes a precious girl. That you will FIND OUT WITH A POSITIVE TEST OCT OF 2015 OR CONCEIVE OCT OF 2015 OR GIVE BIRTH AND OR HAVE AN EDD OF OCT OF 2016."

So while I really only did this for a little hope and some fun, there were a couple things that stood out to me that made this reading really special. My DH wants a baby boy more than anything, and he wants him to be born around his birthday, which is in July. That would make her first prediction just perfect! The second one, made me smile so much! I want one of each....a boy and a girl. This would give me my little girl. The other thing really awesome about that part, is the October part. My mother passed away in October. To have a baby in October would make October a little less of a downer for me, if we were blessed with an October baby.

Now again...this was all in good fun. And what makes it good for me...is that I was planning on two or three months on BCP and then a couple trying before another hsg. That would put us around June for the hsg. If...that came back as being blocked still, I was planning on giving up in June. But...now, I'm just curious. I plan to still do the few months of BCP but I think I will TTC a little longer and do the hsg in October now, which if I'm cleared up...that by November, if I'm pregnant, it'll be a July baby! So....heres to NOVEMBER!!!!

Starting the BCP :(

Merry Christmas! Its been a fun day with the family. We said goodbye to our Scout Elf, Gumpy, as he made his trip back to the North Pole.


It has been so nice and relaxing...not having to work or worry about getting things done for customers. Back to the grind tomorrow though as I have two photo sessions still to edit. Plan on getting some reading done too! As much relaxing as possible to maximize the de-stress efforts!

I started the birth control pills 3 days ago. It was the most devistating thing ever! To take something to stop my chances of getting pregnant when the whole goal is a pregnancy is just heart breaking!
Didn't temp today since the kids pretty much gave me a sleepless night and we got up at the butt-crack of dawn. Today is CD8 so nothing exciting to report, but my temps are normal pre-O temps. I have been drinking the Red Clover tea and will be doing a Castor Oil pack tonight too. If there is time, I will also do a massage.
The decision to stop TTC and start the BCP was a hard one, I am confident that with these next couple months of dedicated treatments...we'll see results! Game on!

Let the fun begin!

Today is CD 1 and today starts the battle on the scar tissue! I have just finished the worst LONG cycle of my life! I thought I O'd early in the month of November so I stopped treatments. I didn't really O til much later in the month, so I lost about 6 weeks! AHHHH!!! But BC starts in a few days and I'll continue that for a couple months at least. If I can get myself Oing in two months I might stop at that. If not...I will decide then if I want to continue. But I will be seeing a specialist during this time too and going full force on the treatments. Making up a schedule this week and then sticking to it! I'm excited! Praying it works!

Really Late Ovulation

Okay....I think it actually happened this month! I think I really did Ovulate! My charting program isn't registering it as ovulation but I have missed quite a few temps because of travelling and not temping. I also haven't been tracking CM or CP so there isn't much to go off of. Here is my very long and slightly confusing chart!



So if I ovulated when the temps started to rise...I'm guessing the 30th of Nov, then I would be 15DPO today! I have no signs of AF coming. Last weekend and earlier this week my BBs were really sensitive and swollen but nothing now. I have been peeing like a race horse, which isn't normal for me, but I have felt really dehydrated lately so I have been drinking more than normal, so I'm sure that is why.

I decided to do some research on late ovulation and egg quality.

Found this information from a Doctor on MedicineNet.com...
Dr. Amos: "Let's first talk about a "late" ovulation. Ovulation normally happens from CD 10 to CD 21. Ovulation that happens regularly after CD 21 is not considered normal. That does not mean you cannot get pregnant with late ovulation. Women get pregnant all the time even when they ovulate late. But your chances of getting pregnant are decreased significantly when you ovulate late. This is for several reasons:

1. The lining of the uterus is too old for implantation.
2. The egg is considered not as good as when ovulation happens earlier.
3. When ovulation happens late you ovulate less often over time, further decreasing your chances of conceiving."

I've also read many comments from ladies who have ovulated late and it is pretty much cut down the middle when it comes to their personal experiences. Some are saying what the doc above says, but then others are saying that they ovulated on cd 38 or above and have still gotten pregnant. Guess I won't lose all hope yet.

I don't plan on testing at all until Christmas morning if for some reason AF remains gone for that long. I am currently on cd 56 and think I O'd on cd 41. If I hold out til Christmas, I will be on cd 66 and I will be 25DPO. If pregnant, I should definately get a positve reading by then. So for now, its a wait and see kinda thing. AF....AF....stay away!!!!

Never Ending Cycle!

I'm falling apart tonight. I am on cd 52 and nothing at all yet. I have been traveling so much in the last 2 months that I haven't been temping properly but I am sure this has been an annovulatory cycle, but the last 12 days or so have been higher temps. This morning was almost 98 which is definately a post O temp for me. So...I'm hoping things are going to start moving around in there. I have been waiting a whole MONTH to restart treatments, just in case. I am beyond ready to get them moving again!

The next step...

Met with my PCP yesterday and asked him to put me on birth control for a couple of months so that I can focus on treatments. I will wait til AF starts to begin taking them, but for now...I'm at a stand still. Plan is to take the BCP for 2 months then really use that time to focus on massage, herbs and yoga. After the two months, we will TTC for a couple more months and if nothing happens by April or May, then I'm having another HSG to check if anything is opening up. We'll see!

Happy Tears

I have a doctors appointment for tomorrow. I'm asking the doctor to put me on BCP. I'm struggling so much with not knowing when or if I ovulate, that I need to have a guarantee. BCP will keep me from getting pregnant, so that I can continue the treatments and not worry about hurting the pregnancy. I plan to ask him for two months of pills then continuing the treatments to unblock my tubes. After that, then we'll try again for two months. If nothing by April, I'll ask for another hsg to be done to check the tubes.

Tonight, I just heard the greatest information ever. There is an IVF trial in Seattle that is ongoing. They are using the same meds I used during my last IVF protocol: Menopur and Bravelle. I emailed off the clinical director for more information. I am praying that they still have openings! I want to get started now!!! If all goes well, I could be doing cycle #2 in a couple months! Hope to get more information really soon!

So, I am still going to go see my doctor tomorrow for the pills. I will bring all the IVF stuff up to him and see what he thinks. I will also be holding off to start the pills til I learn more about these trials. Oh, my...I hope this is gonna happen for us!!!

Holidays...Happy and not So...

Been at my in-laws for the last 5 days for Thanksgiving. Its been a great time...3 turkey dinners with 3 different parts of the family, my mother-in-laws 50th birthday party and loads of dancing...and a GREAT way to keep my mind off of all this TTC crap. But, now that the weekend is coming to a close, I am yet again thinking about all the craziness in my world of TTC. Two friends got BFPs this weekend, and then both turned out to be not pregnant after so long of trying. Its just so heart breaking! One friend went into labor and delivered the most precious little angel. And I am so happy and excited for her. It gives me the hopes that one day...I will get my wish too!
And then there's what's going on with me...nothing! I am CD38 and I have not idea if I really ovulated on the 4th like I had though. Still no AF. Nausea still present but very faint lately, maybe just because I have been so busy and haven't thought about it much. But, no matter how many symptoms I think I have, the test on Wednesday was BFN. I'm guessing that it is still that...and I am really trying not to read into it any more. I have also taken a break with temping this weekend. Last one I took was Wednesday and it was coming back up after a BIG drop. I will start again tomorrow morning after a nice long sleep in my own bed!
Then, I think I might test once more to insure BFN and then back to massages and my Red Clover. Its been a long annovulatory month, and even though I was planning on getting back into the therapies a couple weeks ago, all the symptoms I was having kept me from it. Had to be sure, ya know. So...now we await the morning temp...and the long 6 hour drive home! Maybe we'll have SNOW!

Yoga to Relieve Adhesions

Just found this information about certain yoga poses that are good for loosening adhesions in the abdomen. I started looking for this info after yoga on Tuesday. I have been feeling a stretching of my reproductive organs recently during yoga. After my TR, I felt tugging and pulling. Twinges of pain would stop me in my tracks, but they only lasted for a very short period of time. That was the adhesions forming and twisting my tubes. Now, the feeling is of relief. I don't feel those twinges of pain anymore. So...thought I would share what I have found...

Side Twists

Sit on the floor with your legs straight out in front of you. Tuck your right leg in so that your heel touches your butt with foot still flat on floor. Cross your left leg over your right. The outside of your left foot should be touching your right outer thigh. Gently and slowly turn your body to the left and put your right elbow on the outside of your left knee. Put your left hand on the floor for balance and look over your left shoulder. Breathe deeply throughout the move. Hold this position for up to 30 seconds, then slowly release and repeat to the other side. This exercise can help provide relief from the pain associated with abdominal scars and may loosen existing scar tissue.

Pelvic Tilt/Bridge Pose

Lie on your back with your feet flat on the floor and slowly lift your pelvis up toward the ceiling. Your hips should leave the floor while your shoulders stay flat against the floor. Hold at the top of the move for up to 15 seconds, then slowly release to the starting position. Do three to five repetitions. This stretch can help alleviate the pain caused by the adhesions and may help to loosen the scar tissue.

Cat/Cow Stretch

Start this move on your hands and knees, with your back straight and your pelvis tucked in. Slowly arch your back and tuck your chin to your chest. This makes the cat portion of the stretch. Hold this for 10 seconds, then slowly release and continue to relax your back until it makes a U shape, which creates the cow portion of the stretch. Your eyes should look forward and slightly up during this move. Hold it for 10 seconds and then release. Do three repetitions of the cat-cow stretch. This exercise works the muscles in the torso and helps to alleviate pain caused by adhesions. Scar tissue may be released with this stretch.

Hope this helps someone!!! On a side note...I have been doing yoga Tuesdays and Thursdays for an hour and a half every week since late September. As of Tuesday night, I have lost 12 pounds! I am not doing any other workouts currently...just yoga. I love it!

Annovulatory :(

I am so frustrated! I am so sure that I didn't O this month, and with my temps looking the way they do, there really is no doubt in my mind.



BUT...I have been nauseaus the last few days and have a full feeling and a dull cramping in my belly. It defiantely doesn't feel like AF, but who knows. IF I O'd when I thought originally that I did (on Nov 4th), AF would be due tomorrow. Not going to test, but boy is it hard not to hope!

It's Over

Well, I have decided that I am officially not TTC any more...for a while. For some time, I have known that I don't ovulate, at least not without Clomid or another fertility med to push me along. So, after weeks of not doing treatment because I thought I ovulated, I decided that I am just going to push the treatments full force!

It is suggested that you dont do the massage and drink the Red Clover tea after O until after AF, as to not cause m/c or not allow for implantation. No O...means no reason to stop! So onward...at full speed. I started back with the tea today. Tomorrow will be first day of massages again.

I need to make time to call the Doctor I met the other day, so that we can set a time for coming up with a game plan. I want to really use this time to really focus on healing and not so much on trying to have a baby. Still haven't decided if I will stop temping or not, since I am addicted to it!!! LOL

Depending on how "life" happens in the next couple of months with some recent issues, I'll request another hsg in February or March and then if cleared out...back to TTC. Here's to March!!!!

Just One of Those Nights

It all started when I melted a hat that I have been working on for a customer of mine. Then, slipping and slipping, and I can't pull myself out. I hate it when I get in these random funks I get in to. This time...without Clomid!

Just feeling really lost. I know I want to continue with treatments. I know I want a baby. But I am so beaten. I just don't know sometimes how to keep going. I try to be strong, but most days I feel I am being strong for everyone else. I wish I could just curl up in bed and sleep...all day long. To give in to this pressure, of being super woman.

I know I am not pregnant. I can tell 100% by my temps. I am sure that this cycle is annovulatory, again. I just can't ovulate on my own without meds. Yet, even though I know this, I am nauseaus every day for the last 5 days. My sense of smell is intense. I smelled the wine at church from 15 feet away and fast food restaurants have been killing me! But my temps, are so all over the place. I know what it means, but with the fact that my body is screwing with me, it is hard to believe my brain when it tells me ...I AM NOT PREGNANT!

Just want to start my treatments again that I can't do after ovulation. If I am not post-O then there is no reason to wait! But I SO don't want to ruin my chances...in case I did O. What to do? What to do? I guess all I can do tonight is go to bed. Tomorrow is another day, a better day!

What the Heck?!?!

I could have sworn that I ovulated on the 4th but I have been second guessing myself all day today and think that today might actually be O day! My temp dropped big time this morning...and I have been cramping on my right side all day...and then tonight, on the left too. Maybe I am dropping two!!! We'll know for sure tomorrow morning if my temps spike up again! Here is where we are today...


On to another day! Wish I knew for sure what was going on...cuz I was thinking I was 9DPO and if today really is O day, then I missed out on 9 days of treatments! We shall see!

And tears fall...

Was just watching "Bones" with my husband and at the end, I just broke into tears! I want a baby so badly and can not wait to see my husband's face light up when he sees our baby on ultrasound for the first time. On the show, Bones shows Booth the ultrasound video of their daughter and he just lights up. That, more than anything, is why I want another child.

I love my four children SO much, but I feel so empty without this mystery baby. My eldest, K, was born two months after I split with her sperm donor. He had been unfaithful in our relationship, so I left. He was never into the pregnancy; I was on my own from the beginning, so leaving him was simple. My middle daughter, T, came to be on one of the two occassions that I was with her father. We were never together during my pregnancy. I became pregnant with my youngest daughter, I, after I was drugged at a bar and forced into sex by a man who I knew. And lastly, my son, is not biologically related to my husband or myself.

I missed out on so much during my pregnancies. I never got to experience the joys shared between a mother and father when they are having a baby. I want those silly moments: telling him "Its positive!", hearing the heartbeat for the first time, ultrasound, finding out baby's sex, first kicks, and of course...birth! I want someone to share them with. I crave it. Yes, I want a baby. I can't wait to cuddle this little angel that I want so badly, but more than the physical bundle of joy...I want the emotional connection that can only be shared by two people, in love, who just created a life.

I feel that I will implode without it! It becomes harder and harder to grasp every day, that a baby won't happen for me. But I hope and pray and try to keep the faith that one day, my dreams will come true!



This morning my temp spiked back up...if it stays up tomorrow, I would say its triphasic. I have been nauseaus for three days, but I know way to early for "real" morning sickness to even be there. I am sure its all in my brain but one can hope.

Good news this Veteran's Day

I was at the Veteran's Day parade today with my DH and I met this amazingly nice old vet. He was telling me about his job while he was in the service. He worked at Walter Reed and dealt with infertility and pain management for AF cramps and such. I asked him if he had any suggestions on how to help open up tubes that are blocked with adhesions and for correcting twisted tubes and tilted uterus. He told me to call him next week and we'll set an appointment to come up with a game plan. I am so excited! Best news...is he is not charging me anything for the duration of the treatment!!! I am so excited to hear what he suggests!!!

On another note, I am an avid temp taker. Every morning at 6:30. Normally I don't O on my own, but this month I was sure that I ovulated on the 4th even though FF isn't saying I have O'd yet. So look what happened today!



A dip at 7DPO! Please, PLEASE let this be good news!!!! I have felt very good about this cycle. I have lost 11 pounds since I learned of the blockage. I have done the massages, drank the Red Clover tea, done the castor oil packs. Been doing yoga to lessen stress and I have actually felt my tubes stretching out, which I am hoping is them untwisting! I know, the chances are still slim, but I feel really good!

P.S. Thank you to all the men and women of our Military! As a military wife, I also want to thank all the other spouses out there! You are some amazingly strong people...just like your soldiers!

And the fun begins!

Back to treatments! I am so excited! Last night I went to yoga and came home and did a nice long belly massage. It felt really good to get in there and start massaging. The left side is still kinda tender but I really think it has to do with the tube being twisted. The right isn't as bad, but after a few minutes of concentrated massage, it was tender. I think I am going to try two a day...morning and night instead of just morning. I'm working hard on getting my uterus back to where it is supposed to be instead of rear facing. Its kind of uncomfortable to lift it, but I hope that it is strengthening that muscle! Yoga felt really good yesterday too. I could feel my insides stretching this time. My left ovary area was more obvious, but it felt great!

This morning, I am doing a massage and having some red clover tea. Tonight a castor oil pack and another massage. One day down! Heres to a great month!

Finally!!!

CD 1 today! Ready for the treatments to begin again! I had some Red Clover tea this morning. Going to wait on the Red Raspberry Leaf Tea til after O since it is safe then when Red Clover isn't. Need to wait til after AF to restart the massages and Castor Oil Packs....but I am so excited to begin again!

I have a lot of faith in this month! I feel really good. Have been doing yoga for the last month, eating right, trying to reduce stress. I'm really hoping that this helps. I also have three weeks of treatments under my belt so far, and should have another 2 or 3 before O this month. Average time of treatments before success is 6 weeks, so I am really feeling good about it.

2WW

The Two Week Wait! I hate it and I'm not really even in the game! Since it has only been 4 weeks since I learned that my tubes are closed, and only a three weeks since I started treatments, I am guessing that it is to early to see results.

Honestly, I didn't even think I was ever going to ovulate this cycle! I am on cycle day 45 and am 11 DPO. I am more excited about the next cycle...than I am with this cycle.

It was really a hard decision on what to do...continue the treatments after ovulation or stop. Continuing could mean miscarriage if I were able to conceive. Stopping would lessen that conclusion, but delaying treatment means that I am losing out on about 3 weeks of treatment! I chose to stop, cuz you never know, though I really don't expect anything yet.

AF is due Wednesday, but from my temps, I was really expecting her today. As of tonight, she is still a no-show. My temps post-O have been really high for me. Normally I don't go into the 98s but I have been right there...within .4 above and below the whole time. I know it means nothing for me, because I am sure the tubes are still closed but I am hoping that within a few weeks, that might be different!

I have been collecting red clover from the farm adn drying it all month so I have quite a stash! Can't wait to start making tea with it, but I have to wait til after AF...to be safe. Then it is massages, packs and red clover....in full force! Novemeber is my month!!!!

Massage

So I am totally loving these massages! The first time I did it, I think somehow I did it wrong. I ended up constipated for two days. No good! I think I have finally gotten it down and now...LOVE them! Its a quick 15 minute period to relax. Simple...and then back to my day. There is very little information on this if you try to find it on the net. Every where you look, they want you to buy the info. Well, I'm going to share what I found to save you the hunt (because it took me sometime to find it).

How to Locate your Reproductive Organs

The Uterus

Your uterus can be located by making an upside down triangle with your thumbs and index fingers. Join both your thumbs at your navel and extend your fingers downward, toward your pubic bone. Your uterus is located where your fingers meet.

The Ovaries

Roughly measure 4 inches down from your navel and three inches to the right and left to locate your ovaries.

Reproductive Organs Massage

The following massage is meant to help stimulate your digestive and reproductive organs. Practice this massage daily mornings and evenings.

1. Lie on a comfortable place but firm. Bend your knees or rest them on a pillow.

2. Take one deep breathe in and out.

3. Warm your hand and use a little massage oil like almond oil, or oil of olive.

4. Gently close your eyes and begin breathing slowly and deeply. Inhale and exhale deeply three time.

5. Visualize to be in a beautiful and relaxing place.

6. Put the palm of your hand on your stomach, above your belly button. Put the other hand on top of this hand and take a few deep breaths to get use to this area of your body. Make sure to locate your stomach.

7. Gently make clockwise circles going from your stomach down to your pubic bone and back. Do this at least 30 times.

8. Put your hands on each side of your abdomen just beneath the ribs and massage down toward the growing area. These should be gentle strokes that always, go from top to bottom. You can do as many repetitions as you like, but do at least 10.

NOTE:This massage should be practiced only between menstruation and ovulation. Do not practice this during pregnancy, during menses or during the luteal phase after ovulation.

Self Massage for Fertility

This massage can be performed 15 minutes each day. Before beginning, make sure your bladder is empty. Never perform massage if you suspect to be pregnant or if you are menstruating. Always, stop self massage if you experience pain or feel uncomfortable.

1. Before you begin warm up your hands and apply massage oil like almond oil or oil of olive.

2. Locate the uterus, which is between the pubic bone and the navel.

3. By using the pads you your fingers, gently apply light pressure across the top edge of your uterus.

4. By using moderate to deep pressure, find areas of your pelvic region that feel tight and gently massage in circular motions going all the way around your lower abdominal area. Make sure to always go in a clockwise direction.

5. Use your intuition to massage the areas that feel tense. Take a deep breath and try to relax your pelvic area by visualizing your ovaries, fallopian tubes and uterus full of positive healing energy and light. Open your mouth and release your jaw. Relaxing your jaw helps relax and release stress you keep locked up in your pelvis.

6. Finish by pressing gently up and down. Use this up and down motion for at least 10-20 counts.


NOTE: This massage should be practiced only between menstruation and ovulation. Do not practice this during pregnancy, during menses or during the luteal phase after ovulation.


Uterine Massage

The following massage technique is often referred to as the uterus lift and it is best when performed by a registered massage therapy practitioner. This type of massage is very useful, since many women carry their uterus below their natural position as a result of a lack of exercise and sedentary lifestyle.

1. Lie on a flat surface and place a small pillow under your knees in order to take the strain off your back.

2. Place your fingertips on your pubic bone, located just below the pubic hair line.

3. Starting from the pubic bone, gently press your fingertips down and gently move your fingers toward your uterus.

3. Gently pull your uterus up toward your navel. Hold this position for a count of 10 and do this three times in a row.


NOTE: This massage should be practiced only between menstruation and ovulation. Do not practice this during pregnancy, during menses or during the luteal phase after ovulation.

Ovary Massage

The ovarian massage is great to draw oxygenated blood to your ovaries and help release congesting by improving circulation to this important area of your reproductive system.

1. Begin by warming up your hands.

2. Take a deep breath in and out. Relax your jaw and your pelvic area by placing a pillow underneath your knees.

3. Visualize a beautiful white light surrounding you and helping you relax and release all mental and emotional worries.

4. Locate the areas on both left and right side 3 inches from the middle line and 4 inches down from the navel.

5. Massage these areas left and right side using a circular clockwise motion. If you notice tension, massage deeply and apply increase pressure followed by a release of your fingertips. If you feel pain and discomfort, do not apply too much pressure. Those suffering from ovarian cysts may feel uncomfortable and should consult a registered massage therapist for guidance and advice.

6. Finish by taking a deep breath in and out.

7. Visualize your ovaries and fallopian tubes completely health, clear of any scarring or blockage.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okay, so...hope that helps. I have noticed that I need to pay attention to what my body is telling me. Like...stop that area, can push harder, or work this side a little more. And always move in a clockwise pattern (or you'll really end up constipated!).

This morning did a massage and this evening went to yoga. Now...eating 7 homemade eggrolls! Bad me...but they are SO good!

2 Hour Spa Day...in My Living Room

I've been slacking off. Okay not really, but just not putting in all the effort that I can. So today, after the kids left for school and the hubby left for work, I decided it was spa day for me. After yoga last night and a nice relaxing morning today, I hope I can focus enough to do some work this afternoon!

First I did an abdominal massage. This was my first since I started that my right side wasn't sensitive! It was so exciting. The second time I went around to the right tube, it was a little tender, but that was from working it the first round. The left tube however, was painful right from the start. The pain isn't intense but it is definately there. I think it feels softer, as for the tension, with each massage. I can feel it softening but the pain won't subside. It stills feels the same that it did the first time. That is the side with the twisted tube, so it makes me wonder if that can be a cause. But I only need one tube to do the job! One suggestion...don't do it on an empty stomach! I didn't want to eat before thinking it would make my belly tender with food in there. But having not eaten since last night, I was to hungry. My stomach was sore from being empty. So a little snack 30 minutes before the massage would be a great idea!



Then...I needed to eat! So I whipped up some of my favorite pasta...angel hair with black olives, tomatoes and capers in olive oil! Yum! I also made a cup of red clover tea and a pot of herbs for my vaginal steam bath (yea...crazy, but I'm willing to try everything!). 1/4 oregano, 1/4 cup rosemary, and half a cup of fresh basil. Steaming was a little tricky with out burning myself (which I did twice). So now, belly full...vag steamed...and sitting here with my Castor Oil pack on for another 30 minutes or so.




Today is cd34. I found out three weeks ago that my tubes are blocked. Still haven't ovulated this cycle, even though it was a clomid cycle. All I want is for my body to regulate itsself again...and let the healing begin! On to another GREAT day!

Yoga

Had a great night at my first yoga class with my oldest daughter and a good friend. I feel so good afterward! My ankles were a little weak, but the heat in my muscles felt fabulous! Gotta say my favorite part about it was definately cool down at the end, laying on the mat with a lavendar pack on my eyes in the dark! Relaxation!!!

Other than that, the day has been full of work and laundry and some time on the farm. Tomorrow, canning peaches, pickling okra and cauliflower, and maybe...making some peach butter.

Had some tea today and will be doing a belly massage tonight after watching "House". More relaxing! :)

IVF

Stressing that it might be the only way for us to have a baby. Not so sure if we'll go that route or finally just give up but its something that I have been looking into again. Last time I didn't do to good with the IVF cycle. Started my cycle in October 2009. I used Bravelle and Menopur to stim. I responded great!!! Got 21 follicle with 20 eggs! Unfortunately, my husband had high fevers right before the retrieval, and it killed off his swimmers. All but 6 died overnight. Only one made it to blast at 5 days and the second stalled. We decided to transfer both, and allow my body to rid the stalled one, hoping that the one blast sticks. Unfortunately we got a BFN. These are my 5 DPER babies.

So, now I'm wondering again about IVF. Still a ways off from making any kind of decision...but I like being well educated when I make a decision about something like this!
As for what I have been doing treatment wise...still drinking the red clover/red raspberry tea. Haven't done a massage or castor oil pack in a few days. I REALLY need to commit and do one, no matter what! Thinking about starting some other treatments too. Will update as soon a I figure it all out!

Had a very productive day...thank goodness. I needed something to keep my mind off of things. Did a massage first thing this morning. My tubes are SO tender! The more I do these massages, the more I am noticing about myself. I can pinpoint exactly where my ovaries and tubes are. I can feel the adhesions. It is the craziest thing ever! I'm trying to find the spot where my left tube is twisted. Still haven't found it yet, but I'm pretty sure I will either find it soon or it will go away before I find it.

Still temping every morning and still...no Ovulation! I am shocked that I didn't O since it was a Clomid cycle. Surgery must have messed with me. Funny thing...temps are lower than my temps before surgery, which just isn't normal at all for me.



Worked on the farm tonight. Haunted maze is almost finished and will be opening on Friday night! While we were out there, I found some red clovers. Planning to gather all the flowers and leaves to make me a tea. Should be enough for about 6 glasses...so not a ton, but enough to make some fresh! Been using the tea bags for about a week now. I love it. Hope its working its magic!

Also did another pack. My husband thinks I'm insane when I do them. I figure, heck, try it all. Something is bound to work!

Rough day!

Really feeling it tonight! I just can't seem to get over it. Two weeks ago today, we got the bad news that my tubal reversal surgery was unsuccessful. My tubes are completely blocked by scar tissue. So crazy how at 9am my husband and I were laughing about how pissed his Mom would be that we didn't tell her about the reversal. I told him that when we get pregnant, she'll be too excited to be mad at us. Then at 11am, we're getting the news that our dreams of a baby won't be happening. How things can change in the blink of an eye.



That's the pictures from my surgery two weeks ago. From what my Doctor says, everything looks perfect but that scar tissue has sealed up the inside of the tube. So now...the fight is on to find a natural way of opening them back up.

Today has just been another one of them days. Ya know, the ones where everything you see or hear triggers that bad memory and then on goes the waterworks. My dear friend, A, is going thru a miscarriage right now. Missing the child that she will never get to hold. For her it was ectopic and she had to take medicine to remove the pregnancy. I couldn't imagine having to do that! My heart breaks for her. I wish there were words to say that would make it all better, but when I went thru my miscarriage 15 years ago, I didn't even know I was pregnant. Its even harder to find the words to tell her just how hurt I am for her when my heart is breaking too. Chances are I'll never get to carry another child in my belly. I just don't get why things like this happen to good people! Sometimes I just wanna scream how it is not fair....but then that stupid phrase "Life's not fair" pops into my head. Really?!? But it still sucks!

Another pack tonight and a quick 15 minute massage. Trying to find a spa here that offers them so I can get a good one done. I think some how I am doing it wrong even though I am following all the directions. Constipation is not my friend, but I think somehow the massages are to blame. I hope not because I don't want to stop them! I want results!!! Today!!!

Brilliant!

Just got home from working on the haunted maze and now I am doing my 2nd Castor Oil pack. I had gotten my daughter a body massager with heat for her birthday. Decided to try using the heat tonight for the pack but it wouldnt work without the massage on. So, I am now getting a massage and a pack at the same time! There are two massagers right around my ovaries...and it feels AMAZING!

Busy days make for busy minds!

Been a busy day at work today so I haven't done a massage yet. Only did one yesterday (15 minutes). The left side was a little tender, I'm guessing that is where my big problems are. There was a small area on the right that was painful too. Going to do a pack and massage tonight when I get home from the farm! Its the farm's 10th annual pumpkin patch and this year is the first ever Haunted Corn maze! We're decorating it tonight. Its nice to be so busy lately. Keeps my mind off of how much my heart is hurting!

My First Massage/Castor Oil Pack

Did my first self massage yesterday. It felt so good and was quite relaxing. Tightness and tenderness on the left side, not so much on the right. It was really interesting being able to feel everything in there. I could tell where my ovaries were. I could also feel my large intestine...very prominent. When I passed over it, I could even feel where the stool was in the intestine! Can't say I've ever experienced that before!

Prior to the massage, I did a Castor Oil pack. Castor Oil is actually a laxative when taken internally, but when used externally it can break up toxins in your abdomin and helps in releasing these toxins from your system. To do a pack...you soak a small cloth (sized to fit over your abdomin below your navel) with the oil. Then place it on your belly, cover with plastic (I use a trash can liner) then place a hot water bottle or heating pad on top. I don't have a heating pad or hot water bottle...so I heat a towel up in the dryer and then roll it up and use that. I throw a second towel the dryer so that I can switch them out mid way. Do this for 60to 90 minutes. I am starting with 60 minutes because...trust me, sitting there that long is kinda difficult! I followed the pack with the massage and used the excess oil to do the massage. Do this 3-5 times per week. I'm planning to do it every other day.

No instant result for me yet that I can think of. Going to do another 15 minute massage this morning and then again this evening. Hopefully I will see something tomorrow...but I think it is still to early!

Self Fertility Massage

Couldn't tell ya how I stumbled across it, but somehow I heard about Fertility Massage. From what I read, it can loosen up the adhesions that are blocking my tubes and could possibly open them enough to work.

A little about adhesions...An adhesion is a band of scar tissue that binds 2 parts of your tissue together when they should remain apart. Adhesions may appear as thin sheets of tissue similar to plastic wrap or as thick fibrous bands. Abdominal adhesions are a common complication of surgery, occurring in up to 93% of people who undergo abdominal or pelvic surgery. Pelvic adhesions may involve any organ within the pelvis, such as the uterus, ovaries, fallopian tubes, or bladder, and usually occur after surgery. Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) results from an infection (usually a sexually transmitted disease) that frequently leads to adhesions within the fallopian tubes. A woman's eggs pass through her fallopian tubes into her uterus for reproduction. Fallopian adhesions can lead to infertility and increased incidence of ectopic pregnancy in which a fetus develops outside the uterus.

Now that we know a little more about adhesions, lets talk about massage. There are some very important specifics that you must remember before performing the massage. 1. Don't be to aggressive! Your insides are fragile! If it hurts stop, or at least lessen your pressure. 2. Always move in a clockwise pattern. If you do not move clockwise, you can cause your intestines and bowel to become blocked. Bad mojo! 3. Don't give up if you don't get immediate results. This massage is meant to deliver results over a period of time. 6 weeks to 3 or 4 months. This massage can be done every day for 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the evening. But the BIGGEST thing you should remember, Do NOT perform this massage after ovulation until after your period is finished. So...use only from after your period up to ovulation. This is SO important because doing it during the "no" time can cause you to not become pregnant...and that just defeats the whole purpose!

I'll post later on details about how to do this massage.

My story...the nutshell version

Infertility: the state of being unable to produce offspring; in a woman it is an inability to conceive; in a man it is an inability to impregnate.

WOW. So much pain felt in one word. If you are facing infertility, you know what I mean. It breaks your heart. It can break your marriage. Heck, it can break you!

I suffer from infertility. Because of a quick decision I made when I was a 24 year old kid, I ruined my chances of conceiving. In 2001, I had my tubes tied after the birth of my third unplanned pregnancy. I was a single mother, with 3 babies and didn't know what to do. Getting my tubes tied seemed like the only logical thing. So, that's what I did.

Years later, I met the most amazing man. He has no biological children but has loved my children and raised them as if they were. We decided in 2008 that we'd try IVF. It took us a long time to get to that point...test after test after test! In October 09 we started our IVF cycle. One day, I'll tell the story. After that failed we decided to try a tubal reversal. We had our surgery in January 2011. And have recently learned that both tubes are again blocked. Our chances of conceiving are now very minimal...if not extinct.

I started this blog as a way of keeping track of the things that I am trying in order to raise my chances of conceiving. With luck and prayers, I will one day have another baby. And hopefully, by sharing this, someone else might be helped by the information too.