I Can't Imagine Myself Pregnant

I just realized thats how I feel. I was reading something online while researching more about this med that I am starting and all these ladies talking about being pregnant...and I realized I can't at all imagine being pregnant. I remember most about my previous pregnancies just fine but I can't see me pregnant...my older, married, financially secure and happy self....with my grown children...I can't imagine that. Maybe because it has been so long, maybe because I'm hormonal....I don't know. Just something that without warning came to me and now I am questioning why my brain is thinking about that. I'm getting excited and nervous about getting started on these meds. I'm trying to stay positive but its so hard after waiting for what seems like forever...4 years 7 months! But finally, CD 1 came yesterday and after talking to the RE, I am heading into town for the first E2 blood draw. This one will determine the dose of Menopur that I will be taking. Thank goodness that my husband is able to take some time off in the morning to take me because the snow storm today was terrible and I hate driving in it! By tomorrow afternoon I will have my E2 (estradiol)levels and dosing info. Picking up some smaller gauged needles tomorrow and then on to injections later that evening. Ready to get this show on the road! Maybe with some good ripe follies, I'll start believing that I can be pregnant and this feeling I was having was nothing but a little worry.

Another O Date

Charting can be so frustrating! My chart has adjusted yet again! I've gone from being many days late, to 5DPO, and then when it was almost testing time, I'm back at the beginning again. So as of this morning, its saying I'm 7DPO. I still believe I'm further into the 2WW than that but I'm not sure. The one thing I am very confident about though, is that I have had a steady increase in temps for the last 12 or 13 days. Thats gotta be good for something, you'd think! I wanted to test SO badly this morning but I didn't. I was going to be heading to get blood work this morning, but we were expecting so much snow last night that I cancelled my back-up at work. Will be testing with FMU on Friday (if I can hold out!) and then my bloodwork appointment will be Friday morning. I'll know by that afternoon! :) Here's what the chart looks like today.

Ovulation?...Finally!

Frustration had set in. I was charting at cd 37...twenty-four freakin days past when I thought ovulation happen. I went out last night and bought a couple of pregnancy tests so that I could wake up this morning and take a test. I had also gone and called my doctor and asked for a blood pregnancy test later in the week. Woke up this morning, temped like normal. 97.73! OMG! That is the highest temp I have had this cycle! First thing that came to mind was that I missed a period some how and this is my next month's ovulation. Then I thought, maybe I just ovulated really, really late this cycle (CD38!). When I put in my temp information in Fertility Friend...crosshairs finally appeared. Only thing that shocked me, was that it wasn't saying that I ovulated on cd37 like I thought, but on cd 33! That puts me at 5DPO. Now to that spike! Implantation maybe!? I sure hope so. Besides that...I have been yucky sick all day today. My nose wont stop running, clear not colored so not a cold. I also have a sore throat. The last 4 days, I have had some light cramping but today's cramping has periods of much stronger cramping. My nipples have also been very sensitive the last 4 days. So, here again we are in the 2WW, though I think it finally is the real 2WW. Feels more like a 5WW! My plan is to test next Wednesday, which should put me at 12DPO. I'm also keeping my appointment for the blood test since that will register way before a pee on test. Not sure yet when that will be though because the doctors office will be calling me to schedule it. Hoping for Monday or Tuesday. So, the big wait is on! Wish me luck!

2 Years

I can't believe it has been two years since I had my surgery. Our journey has been full of so many ups and downs. It seems like yesterday that we were on a plane flying to North Carolina but it also feels like its taken us so long to get to this point...empty handed. Last night was no fun. Lots of tears. I don't think that I would be taking it so hard if it wasn't that I a week late and still testing BFN. Tested again this morning and got an indent. My tests from last week were evaps. I wish I was pregnant but I'm also realisitc, and know that I'm probably not. I'm having a hard time too with all the pregnancies that have been announced lately. Multiple wives of people that my husband works with are pregnant, a nurse friend that was working with our doctor when we first started trying, also pregnant, as is the mother of one of my daycare kids. Then a friend from back home just announced that her baby is actually three! I just don't get what is happening with my body right now! If nothing shows by Monday, I am probably going to call and schedule a blood test and then ask about starting Provera to start my next cycle. At least that way I'll be able to get going with my injections before my husband leaves for training! So, back to taking it one day at a time. Wish I knew what lay ahead for tomorrow!

Emotional Night! 1-11-13

I'm having a rough night. Tomorrow is my 2 year anniversary of my surgery. I'm 20DPO. 6 days late. Tested BFN on Tuesday. Zero AF symptoms. For the last few days, I have had a constant very dull pressure behind my pelvic bone, right around my zipper. Thats the only thing I feel. Been sick for a couple weeks now, can't sleep at night, really moody (teary) and killer headaches all week. 24 freakin months! 17 cycles which would have been less if it wasn't for 8 months of Clomid. I don't know what the hell is happening to me and I'm just a wreck! I'm sick of being broken!

13DPO testing

Went to the store to pick up some tests last night in the middle of a blizzard. Upstate NY was getting pounded with the nasty white stuff! We got about 2 inches the first hour! About 5 inches last night to add to our 2 feet that is already on the ground. Came home with four tests. Hope by the last one, I've got a bright BFP!!! Got up this morning with my temp jumping up again, over 97 which it hasn't been much this LP. My chart has been screwy ALL cycle.

Tested with FMU. Walked out of the room so I didn't sit "watching my pot boil". Went back in about 3 minutes later and there was a faint line, but the test still had traces of pink thru out it, so I waited a little longer. Went back in a bit later and I swear there was a line! Honestly I think it is an evap line, but not sure. Posted it on 3 boards and the concensus is that its a BFP but I still don't want to believe it because I want it to pop up instantly...LOL Cuz thats going to happen this early. Well, I'll be testing in the morning again. Praying its so much darker!!!

What do ya think???